At This Moment

She is constantly on my mind. No matter what I do to distract myself from the incoming thoughts of her, she always pops up at the most random of times. Why does this always seem to the problem with me? I try to never let myself get to this breaking point, you know, and I always tell myself to not let my emotions get the best of me. Yet, every time someone comes into my life, this is the outcome. This time, however, is different. This isn't just an ordinary girl. This is a girl that I've had and lost numerous of times. One day she is in my life, the next day she doesn't exist. The roller coaster of emotions seems to play a toll in the stability of my mind. Is there a way to control it? I really think there is one option, and simply put, that is to just let everything play out. I really think the biggest reason for this, right now, is because of the excitement I get from thinking of past experiences and combining those with thoughts of what the future could be like. Don't get me wrong, though, because this is by far not a complaint. It's simply an open minded message of how I feel, and right now I feel great. Sure, maybe if she was single things would be better and easier, but where's the hope and faith that I'm so critically known for? A lot of people look at me as being the one with all the passion, determination, and patience when it comes to this kind of stuff. I can't fail myself now, right? At the same time, when is it time to stop trying? We all know from my past that I spent numerous of years chasing after one person and ultimately ended up being a waste of time considering the outcome of her pregnancy (not mine). I think what I have to tell myself this go around is that this girl is different, and far from that of what I have had in my past. Unlike the other immature girls that I have to put up with, this girl actually matured faster than what I expected. She took the time to research what was needed to pursue an education, and actually became a store manager at her place of employment. In high school, I remember she used to have that typical teenage attitude of "I don't ever have to do this or that" because people would always give her what she wanted. I guess she found out somewhere down the road that life doesn't work that way. I'm proud of her to say the least. She exceeded my expectations and has become a girl that I see worthy of possibly spending a lot of time together with. The ball is in her court, and I believe she knows that. At this moment, she knows how I feel and what I want. And at this moment, she knows I'm thinking of  her.