Perception

She sits there, and reads through all of my personal writings about my past at my discretion. I allow her to openly read them to give her a better understanding of my emotions and who I am as a person. Some of what she read goes into substantial detail about the way I act on my feelings in certain situations. Many people don't believe that, at heart, I'm a hopeless romantic. I try to not show it as much as possible because of all the pain and agony I've suffered over the years. I prefer to keep that in a dark place within me and only elaborate on it to the people I feel like would take it to heart. How will she view me, or will she think of my differently? She doesn't have any idea that I'm starting to develop feelings for her, but when the time comes that I inform her that I do, what will she remember about what she read? Will she have this perception of me of being someone who could be another good friend, or relationship material? I'm sick and tired of some of the most amazing girls I would love to get to know on a relationship level tell me that they would prefer to be friends. It's not that I don't mind being friends, but I don't want to ever be stuck in that zone. I want to be able to know that at any point in time deeper feelings can develop. There is something different about this girl, and it's very hard to explain. I see many ways that we are different, and there are some ways that we relate. Overall, I love her calmness and integrity. She is sometimes quiet, which leads me on a mystery road. What is she hiding? Has she ever been hurt before, and how bad? Does she know how it feels to have your heart completely ripped out? These are questions that I would love to know but feel as if the time isn't right yet to ask. It's only been a couple of weeks that we started to talk a lot more, and if there is one thing from my past that I've learned - it's that you do not want to share to much information in a short period of time. My father has always told me to save some for another day. I have tendencies to rush things and most of my problems with finding a good relationship is because girls get pushed away from this. I'm hoping that this time can be different. I want to at least have hope that maybe she will finally be able to understand me in ways that no other has before. What if she ended up being that hopeless romantic like me, and I just don't know it yet? That would simply be amazing.