Her: I do have feelings for you, but I just don't know how to act on them.
Me: I know you have a boyfriend and all, but I just don't feel like you want to pursue anything or risk anything. It's a shame because I really do care for you more than you could ever know.
Her: It's not that. I don't want to cheat again, so I don't say anything about me and you. I want to wait til everything plans out. I'm not scared, you just gotta understand it's not that easy.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
The Truth
Me: You say til everything plans out... What is there to plan out? You don't ever do anything about it. I mean, I just don't know what your plans are.
Her: It's gonna take time. I want to be single before we talk more about it. It's just hard to talk about it when I'm with Phil. I want to see what happens.
Me: I feel you, I just don't know what to do. I really do care for you in more ways then you know. Like, I feel like I could give you the world on some days. I don't wanna give up but at the same time, you having doubts scares me.
Her: You're sweet.
Me: These feelings are stronger than I could have imagined. I feel like you're the answer to everything. I hug you, and don't wanna let go. Never. I just wanna hold you forever. All those feelings - I don't wanna loose them. I've honestly never felt this way before about anymore and I know that sounds like a lie coming from me, but it's not. It's hard to explain. It's always been there. Now it's on fire and the flame can't be put out.
Her: Awwww, I don't know what to say.
Me: I don't know what to say, either.
Her: Ahhhhh
Her: It's gonna take time. I want to be single before we talk more about it. It's just hard to talk about it when I'm with Phil. I want to see what happens.
Me: I feel you, I just don't know what to do. I really do care for you in more ways then you know. Like, I feel like I could give you the world on some days. I don't wanna give up but at the same time, you having doubts scares me.
Her: You're sweet.
Me: These feelings are stronger than I could have imagined. I feel like you're the answer to everything. I hug you, and don't wanna let go. Never. I just wanna hold you forever. All those feelings - I don't wanna loose them. I've honestly never felt this way before about anymore and I know that sounds like a lie coming from me, but it's not. It's hard to explain. It's always been there. Now it's on fire and the flame can't be put out.
Her: Awwww, I don't know what to say.
Me: I don't know what to say, either.
Her: Ahhhhh
Blame Me. I Don't Care
I don't think I can do this anymore. I want to let go and forget I even tried to make this work. I'm sure if I gave it a lot of time and energy, it would be worth it - but I just simply don't want to. I feel like I'm not making any progress by trying to make her be with me because in reality, we all know that can't happen. You can't make someone be with you nor force them to change how you feel. She has a boyfriend, and yet she has feelings for me to. Call me the bad guy if you want, but I'm not the one to fully blame for this. I'm not saying it's her fault, but I definitely don't want to put the blame on myself anymore. In the past few weeks, I've gone out of my way to flatter her, do things for her, and do everything I could to make her laugh and have a good time. I'm trying to show her that I care. She tells me I'm sweet and thoughtful and that I would be such a good boyfriend to her, yet does absolutely nothing to fix the situation.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Enough with Waiting
Again, here I am and I swear this is starting to become a ever growing trend in my life. I don't want to wait. Maybe that sounds selfish of me, but I've already wasted nearly 4 years of my life waiting on one girl that never worked out. I mean, I'm out. I'm not doing it anymore. Life is to short to just waste time away like that. This new girl, I like her and all and she is really amazing. I've known her for years and we've always been close to one another. Although she has feelings for me and already agreed to the fact of wanting to be with me, she still has a boyfriend. And for the past 5-6 months, she keeps telling me "time, Christian.. time". I mean, okay, after a month that's fine. I don't mind giving someone space. But, I really am starting to feel like this is heading in the same direction as before. I've been here before. I know what to do but yet I just don't want to do it. What I want to do is keep waiting and hope that something happens and she will magically appear and be like, "okay! I'm ready". But in reality, what I need to do is quit waiting. Tell her sorry, and move on. The pain that I will suffer from doing this now will be less than that of what I would suffer if I keep on waiting for her to finally come to her senses about being with me.
Monday, June 4, 2012
What I've Learned in Relationships
Based off of a 4 year relationship, 4 month relationship, and 2 month relationship. Also based on numerous of non dating relationships. Learned a lot, even in the short relationships.
1. Don't be afraid to be emotional and creative. A big reason why I am highly creative today is because it was appreciated back then. I made my own anniversary cards/gifts. You have to think outside the box.
2. Don't ruin the moment. If you realize you're in a "moment", everything that you're supposed to do in that time frame can wait. Don't ruin a moment because you need to get home before a certain time, or your phone is ringing. Moments are hard to come by so gain everything you can from it.
3. Don't give up what you already have for something you think is better. I did this and it was a huge mistake. Instead, be glad of what you already have in front of you. The only reason why you think there is something better is because it's new to you. Don't believe the hype. Find different ways to make what you currently have more interesting, and do things you haven't done before.
4. To get what you've never had, you got to do what you've never done. It's amazing how so much can change with only a few minor changes in how you do things. Change your attitude, views, dress, preferences, and I guarantee you find noticeable differences in your life. You don't have to change everything, but at least change something. In order to get change, you have to change your views first.
5. Don't say too much in one night. My dad tried to always force this in my head. Every time I went on a date and noticed how flattered a girl was, I would give her more and more and more til eventually, it just got old. You don't want to do this. As my dad would say, save some for another day because you're not getting married overnight. Flatter the person you're with, just not all at one time.
6. Intelligence shows a lot. I'm not just saying this because I'm a college student. I have noticed a huge difference with this. Girls that are up to date with basic news (gas prices, war, presidential candidates...) have far more going for them. I'm not being biased, I'm just being real. I consider myself to be a future successor, meaning I want to make it big one day. If I get married, or have a long term partner, she doesn't have to be a nerd, but she definitely needs to be intellectual.
7. Don't get into a routine. Most people, including myself, get used to doing the same things over and over. Maybe it's calling at the same time every night, listening to the same songs over and over, eating lunch at the same diner. Switch it up sometimes. BE SPONTANEOUS by all means! Don't be afraid to take chances. One thing I remember being a neat idea was taking a random beach trip in the middle of night. Do what you can with the resources you have at your disposal.
1. Don't be afraid to be emotional and creative. A big reason why I am highly creative today is because it was appreciated back then. I made my own anniversary cards/gifts. You have to think outside the box.
2. Don't ruin the moment. If you realize you're in a "moment", everything that you're supposed to do in that time frame can wait. Don't ruin a moment because you need to get home before a certain time, or your phone is ringing. Moments are hard to come by so gain everything you can from it.
3. Don't give up what you already have for something you think is better. I did this and it was a huge mistake. Instead, be glad of what you already have in front of you. The only reason why you think there is something better is because it's new to you. Don't believe the hype. Find different ways to make what you currently have more interesting, and do things you haven't done before.
4. To get what you've never had, you got to do what you've never done. It's amazing how so much can change with only a few minor changes in how you do things. Change your attitude, views, dress, preferences, and I guarantee you find noticeable differences in your life. You don't have to change everything, but at least change something. In order to get change, you have to change your views first.
5. Don't say too much in one night. My dad tried to always force this in my head. Every time I went on a date and noticed how flattered a girl was, I would give her more and more and more til eventually, it just got old. You don't want to do this. As my dad would say, save some for another day because you're not getting married overnight. Flatter the person you're with, just not all at one time.
6. Intelligence shows a lot. I'm not just saying this because I'm a college student. I have noticed a huge difference with this. Girls that are up to date with basic news (gas prices, war, presidential candidates...) have far more going for them. I'm not being biased, I'm just being real. I consider myself to be a future successor, meaning I want to make it big one day. If I get married, or have a long term partner, she doesn't have to be a nerd, but she definitely needs to be intellectual.
7. Don't get into a routine. Most people, including myself, get used to doing the same things over and over. Maybe it's calling at the same time every night, listening to the same songs over and over, eating lunch at the same diner. Switch it up sometimes. BE SPONTANEOUS by all means! Don't be afraid to take chances. One thing I remember being a neat idea was taking a random beach trip in the middle of night. Do what you can with the resources you have at your disposal.
Friday, June 1, 2012
At This Moment
She is constantly on my mind. No matter what I do to distract myself from the incoming thoughts of her, she always pops up at the most random of times. Why does this always seem to the problem with me? I try to never let myself get to this breaking point, you know, and I always tell myself to not let my emotions get the best of me. Yet, every time someone comes into my life, this is the outcome. This time, however, is different. This isn't just an ordinary girl. This is a girl that I've had and lost numerous of times. One day she is in my life, the next day she doesn't exist. The roller coaster of emotions seems to play a toll in the stability of my mind. Is there a way to control it? I really think there is one option, and simply put, that is to just let everything play out. I really think the biggest reason for this, right now, is because of the excitement I get from thinking of past experiences and combining those with thoughts of what the future could be like. Don't get me wrong, though, because this is by far not a complaint. It's simply an open minded message of how I feel, and right now I feel great. Sure, maybe if she was single things would be better and easier, but where's the hope and faith that I'm so critically known for? A lot of people look at me as being the one with all the passion, determination, and patience when it comes to this kind of stuff. I can't fail myself now, right? At the same time, when is it time to stop trying? We all know from my past that I spent numerous of years chasing after one person and ultimately ended up being a waste of time considering the outcome of her pregnancy (not mine). I think what I have to tell myself this go around is that this girl is different, and far from that of what I have had in my past. Unlike the other immature girls that I have to put up with, this girl actually matured faster than what I expected. She took the time to research what was needed to pursue an education, and actually became a store manager at her place of employment. In high school, I remember she used to have that typical teenage attitude of "I don't ever have to do this or that" because people would always give her what she wanted. I guess she found out somewhere down the road that life doesn't work that way. I'm proud of her to say the least. She exceeded my expectations and has become a girl that I see worthy of possibly spending a lot of time together with. The ball is in her court, and I believe she knows that. At this moment, she knows how I feel and what I want. And at this moment, she knows I'm thinking of her.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)