It's hard to swallow the fact that someone who once cared for you so much and was in your life everyday, helping you with your struggles, is no longer apart of your life. This doesn't have to always be related to someone who you were once in a relationship with, but it can old friends as well. In the past year, I've lost my girlfriend, and my best male friend, and my best female friend. A lot of people might look at this as something being wrong with me, or maybe I did something to deserve it? Well, honestly, I didn't. All I have tried to do my entire life is stand up for what I believe in. My two biggest methods of living life is to love hard, and work hard. My best male friend and I recently went our separate ways due to financial obligations that surrounded us in an apartment we shared. I have faith that this will work itself out, but it goes to show you what money can do to people. My best female friend and I departed in March 2010. Granted, she was my best friend, I actually was in love with her for four years still waiting to get my chance. Well, she randomly called me one day in May and told me she was pregnant with someone else's child. They both live their lives, together, with their child. My recent girlfriend, who I started dating in February, cheated on me. I had to find out for myself. It turns out while she was dating me, she was also lurking around with other men without me knowing. The same day that I found out she was cheating on me was the same night she went to some guys high school prom.
These three people meant everything to me. Now, here I am, a full time college student with nothing but textbooks and a little bit of cash, and I have no one. Sure, I have a lot of people that I consider associates around school, but I lost the three most important people of life, excluding family. How do you overcome this? Like, you try to make yourself feel better by saying that things will eventually work itself out in time, but will it? When I lost Jessica, I was really down but I tried to keep confidence within me to know everything would be alright. Then I lost Samantha. This even caused me a Boxer's Fracture on my right hand because I let out my anger on a brick wall. This ended me up with over $1,000.00 in hospitals and doctor fees. After I lost her, I had no one to really go to. But, at the end of the day, I knew I would always have my main best friend, and he was also someone I considered my brother. Over time, I started to feel a little better. Now, I don't even have him. I am left with nothing.
All I really to lean on now are my memories, and writing. I really do think that my memories are what really keeps me sane. I try to not worry about it, but after being hurt time and time again, it does something to you. I know there has to be other guys in this world that can know what I'm going through. In reality, it sucks because I know a lot of guys that just have fun, get lots of girls, and don't worry about anything. The thing with me, though, is I actually care. I consider myself to be a hopeless romantic, and this ends up biting me in the end. Is it that I care to much? But if I cared too less, that would be bad right? Or would it? I don't ever want to change who I am to please others, because honestly I am happy with who I am and what I've done over my 20 years of living and know that I have worked very hard to get where I am today. My parents always told me that because of my mind and maturity that I was going to end up settling down with someone who is older than me. Either way, I don't even want to know what the future has in store for me when it comes to relationships. All I know at this very moment is that I need to graduate college and keep on living my dream to the best of my ability. As soon as you see my train coming, feel free to hop on or hop off. Either way, I know where I am going and I could really care less who comes aboard.
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