Mixed Emotions

Feelings are crazy, right? Have you ever just seen someone throw some subtle, simple flirtation at you, but then turn around and act distant as if it never happened? It's like, a game? Why do people do this, and better yet, why do people fall for it? Is it silly human nature that we want what we can't have? Who knows. It's interesting though, especially as you get older. You would think you would see less and less of it happening, but ultimately, people are always going to be people, and emotions are always going to be emotions.

Welcome Back

Wow, so where to begin? I haven't posted anything since, what, March 2015? So much has happened since then, and I mean SO much. If you've ever read through my blogs since 2009, you know my roller coaster of emotions and have seen all the various things I have been through. Well, let me give you the run down of what has happened since March 2015.

First off, Marissa and I broke up. Obviously, she left me with an empty apartment, and I was left and forced to move back to North Carolina. (April 2015)

In April 2015, once I got back settled, I landed a temp. job working at Pearson in Charlotte that was only for a few months.

Early May 2015, I randomly messaged a girl on Facebook that I had been friends with since 2013 (but never really knew her, AT ALL) and said hey.

One conversation lead to another, and all of a sudden, we were dating. That fast.

Early June 2015, I flew cross country from Charlotte, NC to Phoenix, AZ to meet her for the first time.
I came back to Charlotte a week later, and then a week after that, guess what? I moved. Yep. I literally made the cross country move to Phoenix, AZ with just ONE suitcase.

July 2015, not only did we get engaged, but also found out we were pregnant! I landed a job with Drivetime (Now Bridgecrest), and pretty much just worked, worked, and worked.

March 2016, our baby girl was born (Presley).

May 2016 - Moved into a huge, luxury apartment complex right next to my work (I could walk to work!)

May-June-July 2016 - I made so much money at my job, and was bonusing left and right. But our happiness was decreasing.

August 1 - We decided to pack up, and move back to the East Coast (Charlotte, NC).

It's now November 2016, and here I am. (At work, actually - Aon). We're in the process of moving into a new apartment here pretty soon.

RECAP: Wow. Can you believe all of that? What a change of events. Literally after everything that happened in 2015, and all the hectic events, and then all of a sudden, when you least expect it, life just throws you something new. It'll be interesting to see where things go from here.

NOTE TO SELF: Don't dwell too much on the bad things to happen to you in life. Eventually, things will find a way to work itself out, and when it does, you will look back and appreciate what you have now.

8 Years Later

Gave a girl that I was in love with a ring 8 years ago. I just found out something that literally made my day. Check out the text I got from her today.

"I don't know if you remember, but when it was given to me, I asked what the symbol meant - with two hands to the heart and you said it was Irish for "friendship". Well, mister, I looked it up and it in fact means marriage, not friendship. Lol."

#8YearsLater #MyLifeisComplete

Need a Hand?

Friend: I've been pretty unhappy lately generally.. but these new plans definitely rejuvenated me.

Me: Unhappy about what?

Friend: Eh. Kinda down on myself, missing home & friends, etc etc

Me: If it makes you feel any better, I've been pretty unhappy too, so I guess we can relate. Yes, for same exact reasons.

Friend: Well I wouldn't want you/anyone being unhappy but it does help. I think i'm back in a funk but today i'm feeling lightyears better

Me: I tell my friends and family all the time that I'm doing well, but deep down it's like I want more and want to do more, but I feel like I'm stuck in once place. I know Marissa wouldn't move to NC if I left, and that bothers me, plus like you, I really miss my family, and Daniel. (Like you and Alice.. ) I wake up everyday thinking I'll have an answer, but then the day goes by and it suddenly becomes the next day.

Friend: And you're just smacked in the face with the same routine that you find boring/unfulfilling and generally just sucks.

 

Me: YES. All the way. Should have known you'd be the only person that could put it into perspective for me.

Me: But yes, I never want to be complacent, not at this age at least, and I feel like that's what's happening.

Me: Waking up, feeling 100% happy, looking forward to what's to come, and have ambition and drive to actually go out and do something relevant, that matters, is all we really want to do. Why can't we? It's all we ever talk about - and for some reason - we wake up to do the complete opposite. Something acts as if it's holding us back. I just want to cut the leash off and run!

Friend: My motivation/drive has definitely decreased. Along with my self confidence and such because of it. I've felt very directionless and lost because of it. It's been a little rough.

Me: I remember you experienced this before, too. Interesting, because you're the last person who I would expect to lose self-confidence and motivation, but it does happen to the best of us. Well, I'm glad I can be back somewhat for you to talk to whenever, and that works likewise. I really do value your insight and wisdom. Maybe once you get back to Charlotte, things will get a little better and reality will feel normal once again. I hope so for the both of us!

Friend: I have a lot of hope for us. Just a simple rut and a lot of it is in my mind. I think we have the capability to be great.

Me: I think so too my friend. Everything starts in the mind, and that's the first step in getting out of the rut. Thinking positive, and speaking positive is a start. Also - music therapy helps.  I still think music is the best medicine!

Friend: You're so right. I need to get back to doing things for my soul. The winter doesn't help at all either!!

Me: Feeding soul = Feeding the mind = Feeding happiness. Dopamine is free. That feeling you get when you get chills from hearing a certain song, or hearing something? Free medicine : )

Ranking of Favorite Years

Since I posted earlier about why I thought 2008 was my favorite year (personally), I figured I would go ahead and share my top 5 list. It took some deep thinking, but I'm confident in the order!

1. 2008
2. 2012
3. 2011
4. 2007
5. 2013

2008

Reasons why 2008 was MY favorite year, to date...

• My best friend was in a positive relationship
• I was dating my high school crush after months of chasing!
• The Carolina Panthers were dominant, and went to the playoffs
• I turned 18, finally!
• I got promoted to be a manager at the car wash I worked at
• Moved into a new house
• Had a pretty big social group
• Grades in school were at an all-time high
• Found out I was accepted to UNC Charlotte!
• Had ZERO depression or anxiety
• Had no debt

Temptation versus the Heart

The year was 2008 - Nearly 7 years ago. I landed my first girlfriend. She was everything I ever dreamed of in a girl. Blonde hair to the shoulders, a smile that gave you butterflies, and a kind-hearted spirit that would do anything and everything for you.

The year was 2006 - Nearly 9 years ago. I fell in love with a girl that only wanted to be my friend, and nothing more. Time and time again, I would bring up the idea of being together. It never happened. I began to lose faith in myself and my self confidence plummeted. I felt like there was something that I could do to impress her that would make her like me. I wish I would have known that it's impossible to force someone to like you.

The girl that never gave me a chance built up hatred for my girlfriend. Maybe it was jealously, or maybe it was  that my time was no longer spent around her finger.

Times were great. I was very happy with my girlfriend felt like I was living a real life fairy tale. We would sneak out of class to give each other a kiss, and would sit in the car all night listening to music. Life was simple, and so were we.

No more than 2 months into the relationship, the girl who never gave me a chance decides to pop back up in my life, telling me that she'd be with me if I chose to leave my girlfriend. The spark was lit, and I became overwhelmed with nostalgia. Memories kept appearing in my mind, and I suddenly found myself missing her and yearning for her attention and love.

I gave up my girlfriend, only to find out it was only to get me away from her. I gave up my girlfriend to be with someone who had falsified their intentions. My girlfriend became sad and angry, and I became sad, angry and single. There was no going back. There was no second chance. There was no more her.

The year was 2015 - Present time. I sit here, looking at these two girls. One being my ex-girlfriend, and the other being the one that never gave me the chance. They both got pregnant and had children. Looking through old pictures and letters from the girl that never gave me a chance doesn't and hasn't phased me for quite some time. But, seeing pictures and letters from the girl I once dated saddens me. She pops up in my dreams at night, and appears in my mind randomly throughout the day.

Why?

Why did I make that decision in 2008? What would life have been like? Would we have been typical high school sweethearts that get married and live a happy life?

I wish I knew that answer.

What I Want in a Girl VS What I Don't Want

I've had my fair share of fun and know what it feels like to have lust for someone and to have sincere feelings as well. There is a big difference, but in the end, I don't want someone that I can fantasize over - I want someone who wants me to be better, to do better, and to never stop trying. Here is a brief look at what I want in a girl, versus what I don't want.

What I DO Want:

• Intellect: Not only being smart, but the ability to express it in a variety of ways.
• Communication Skills: I want someone that I can talk to for an hour about health, politics, feelings, or world events.
• Ambition/Drive: Confidence is everything. Never stop trying. I want a girl that wants more and more and will never give up on her career or dreams.
• Creativity: Be creative, be innovative. Think outside the box.
• Passion for Music: I don't care what genre, just any type of music. Feel it. Love it. Share it. Talk about it. Music, to me, is everything.
• Respect: Respect me and what I like to do, and I will return the favor. Don't judge me or my habits.

What I DON'T Want:

• Laziness: If something needs attention, don't put it off. Fix it. If the trash is full, and I come home from work and you're on the couch watching TV all day, I know there's time to take it out.
• No Drive: Don't get complacent. I don't want someone who is okay with average or is just okay with what we have. I want to be successful and that means always pushing to be better.
• Too Much Intimacy: I don't want to cuddle every hour of every day. I need to breathe. It's okay to cuddle and watch a movie and stuff, but when I get home from work, I want to get dressed and make dinner. Not just jump right into a cuddle session!
• Insecurity: Look, no one wants to be mislead and no one wants to be cheated on. But, we are humans and we all have friends. Just because I have a few female friends that are just friends doesn't mean I am secretly talking to them behind your back. Trust is huge, and it goes both ways.

I don't worry too much about either category, but it's definitely a good thing if someone does possess more of the WANTS than the DON'TS!

The Struggle

The past is always there, calling my name, wanting me to give into the temptation to reach out to those who did me wrong, or never gave me the time of day. The thought process the mind goes through when it wants to achieve something it couldn't do before. Maybe things have changed? Or, just maybe, we have witnessed or been through more situations that will help us achieve that unknown. We're always going to be stuck wondering "what if" for all those moments we couldn't get what we wanted.

Feeling Lost

So, now what? It's been a year since graduating college. I look back at my 4 year journey and it makes me sad because of all the good times and memories I created. The fun adventures of working in the Student Union with all my friends, and watching movies with them in the Movie Theater. Literally, those were the best years of my life, no doubt.

I just look back at it, and now I realize what everyone talks about. You know, living in the moment. Like, not wanting to rush through life and taking what you have in front of you and making the most of it. Yeah, I see it now and I regret some things. It's almost like I wanted to grow up too fast. I think it was my junior year in college that I wanted to rush things so I could hurry up and graduate. I wanted to graduate fast, get out, get a high paying job, make lots of money, and live that big fancy life.

Well, that's not the case of what really happened. I graduated in December 2013. So, 2014, to me, had such high expectations. I wanted to do the impossible. I wanted to make my family and friends proud. I wanted to prove to them and myself that I was meant to be here and that I could make something of myself.

In 2014, I ended up living in 3 different states and holding 6 different jobs. The word of the year was unstable. I went to Disney after college to make minimum wage to pursue dreams of my Disney Career. I ended up leaving Disney for Avis Budget Group in Orlando. Then I left there and moved back to North Carolina in the Summer. I felt lost. I didn't know what I wanted. Then, in late fall, I moved to Michigan to be with my now, girlfriend. I'm still lost.

I miss North Carolina. I miss my old friends. I miss my family. I miss my old lifestyle. I miss doing what makes me happy. But, if there's one thing I have learned in the last year, it's this - The grass isn't always greener on the other side. And, please, believe me. It is not. I promise.

As of now, it's January 2015. I'm working in a call center answering phone calls all day, making a wage that in no way meets my expectations for having a 4 year Business degree.

What do I do? Do I quit and go back to North Carolina? Do I stick with it and stay in Michigan? I don't know what to do, but I guess time will tell.

Hopefully things get better, soon.

Womanizers

Written By: Christian Lawrence, 03/18/2013

Question being presented: How people can't change? The reason some boys/girls become cheaters or liars. What in their past made them that way? And how one little instance can make them relapse into their cheating ways?

Can people change? Can you turn a bad person into a good person, or can you transform a good person into a bad person? What shapes the characteristics that underlies the issue for these transformations? Many people have heard of the Nature vs. Nurture argument. Nature, being that individual's personalities are shaped by external factors. These can be friends, where you live, what school you went to, and anything that can be changed at their disposal. Nurture, on the other hand, is the opposite. With nurture, it is more of one's culture and upbringing. Maybe someone grew up in a good or bad environment where they were adapted to abide by that of which was accepted in the household.

In regards of how someone changes? What makes someone vulnerable to not wanting to change? In simple terms, it's a defense mechanism that we have as humans. It we get shot, we will naturally be weary of guns. If we get bit by a dog, we won't want to be around dogs for a period of time. Our brains remember more than we think. That may sound odd, but it's true. When we go through bad experiences, and eventually heal, our minds attain every detail and turns it into a defense. In the case of love, relationships, or just plain lust, the relationship is just the same. A really bad heartbreak can turn someone very deceptive. While someone may appear to be nice and gentle on the outside, deep down they are subconsciously dwelling of it. The opposite is true as well. Someone that may appear to be hard, tough, and not easy to get along with, actually can be perfectly at ease on the inside. They never went through a bad heartbreak, thus, many people find "hard" people attractive because of their fierce independence. Even after knowing someone for years, it's nearly impossible to fully figure someone out. Emotions are forever changing within us. One day we feel a certain way, then may feel the opposite the next.

But what happens when someone can be changed? It's tricky. The main evidence that may seem very likely is the trigger mechanism. What happens when you quit smoking for a month, and smoke one with a friend one day? More than likely, you will pick back up the bad habit. The same thing is true with people. From a permanent perspective, no one can really be changed. While it may work for a month, year, 2 years, 10 years, you never know when something will mentally be triggered to cause that emotional relapse. We have all been told the "once a cheater, always a cheater" saying. Some people will argue the statement by saying that everyone is different. But while there may be a few people out there than can ultimately change their ways, on a macro level, it's not possible. In the mindset of a cheater, once you get away with it, you learn to sharpen your expertise. Eventually, someone can become such an exceptional cheater, that you may never know the truth from a relationship.

You really can't trust anyone. You should never put all your trust into someone, either. Trust has to be earned If you need help with this, use a credit rating system. Would you lend a $4,000 loan to someone with a 500 credit score, or one with an 800 score? 800 right? We need to learn how to look at someone's past, in an educated way, without being biased, and make a generalization about what we expect to get out it. High risk? Low risk? What will be our return on our investment with that person?

It's worth pondering...

Emotional Intervention on Sex

Emotional Intervention on Sex  

Written By: Christian Lawrence, 03/18/2013

It is candidly the best experience two people that are emotionally attached can undergo. What genuinely interests me, though, is the study of before and after that first, second, and third sexual experience. Will things, emotionally or mentally ever be the same as it was before? Scientific studies have been produced to show that when people reach an orgasm with their partner for the first time, the chemical, oxytocin, is released all over. This chemical is the main ingredient found in many anti-depressants. My argument is that if people just quit having sex, can things ever be the same between them? Imagine being sexually active with just one person for a year. Now consider the alternative of taking an anti-depressant for a year. If the first person quit having sex with their partner, and the other person quit taking the happy pill, what would happen? I've seen many cases where people get overly angry and irritated when they are turned down from sex after previously being sexual with them. Who is to blame for the all the break ups, arguments, and harassment following sexual abuse? Is it the girl for no longer wanting to have sex? Is it the chemical imbalance and lack of oxytocin in the brain from the guy? Or is either males or females to blame? It can be argued that sex does indeed change people's emotion over someone they are interested in. That's not to say this is the excuse for sexual abuse, but it can definitely be broken down into many parts that can be looked at in more detail.

You Have to Realize

Her: I do have feelings for you, but I just don't know how to act on them.

Me: I know you have a boyfriend and all, but I just don't feel like you want to pursue anything or risk anything. It's a shame because I really do care for you more than you could ever know.

Her: It's not that. I don't want to cheat again, so I don't say anything about me and you. I want to wait til everything plans out. I'm  not scared, you just gotta understand it's not that easy.

The Truth

Me: You say til everything plans out... What is there to plan out? You don't ever do anything about it. I mean, I just don't know what your plans are.

Her: It's gonna take time. I want to be single before we talk more about it. It's just hard to talk about it when I'm with Phil. I want to see what happens.

Me: I feel you, I just don't know what to do. I really do care for you in more ways then you know. Like, I feel like I could give you the world on some days. I don't wanna give up but at the same time, you having doubts scares me.

Her: You're sweet.

Me: These feelings are stronger than I could have imagined. I feel like you're the answer to everything. I hug you, and don't wanna let go. Never. I just wanna hold you forever. All those feelings - I don't wanna loose them. I've honestly never felt this way before about anymore and I know that sounds like a lie coming from me, but it's not. It's hard to explain. It's always been there. Now it's on fire and the flame can't be put out.

Her: Awwww, I don't know what to say.

Me: I don't know what to say, either.

Her: Ahhhhh

1 Hour

Samantha called me the other night, exactly at 10:00pm. When the phone rang, and I saw her name pop up on my phone screen, I felt my heart skip a beat, literally. I let it ring twice, maybe three times, before I answered it. It almost felt as if I was stuck in a moment between reality and a undiscovered dream that maybe I was intended on finding.

How Much Money is LOVE Worth?

You can't "buy" love, but what if you could?
* If I had a machine that would make you fall in love with somebody for the rest of your life, what would I charge you to use the machine?

Passionate Love ONLY - This is what we see in new couples today - Where you want to be with that person every minute possible, almost obsessive like. This is also called Limerence - Like waking up early to go get breakfast and missing class to see that person

Men and Women both experience the same levels of passionate love while in a relationship.
Men tend to fall into love, faster and sooner, than women, who tend to be more cautious.

UK Experiment - Compared the feelings of people being told "I love you" for the first time to that of when gamblers win large sums of money,
Hearing I love you is ~ = $267,000

Visualizing the effect money has on a person - Love is democratic, everyone feels it, no matter who you are or how much money you have.

Having more money does not equate to being more happy - Hedonistic treadmill - Getting more money helps with happiness, but only to certain point ($75,000) then money has diminishing returns on how happy it makes you.

Long term, committed relationships -  love correlates to living longer.

Life-long pair bonds (a relationship that lasts a lifetime), (long term, compassionate love) - live 15% longer on average (~$30,40,000)

Oxytosin - Chemical released in the brain when you look at pictures of someone who you have had a committed, long term relationship with. Elevated levels have been seen in dogs who have been petted for long periods of time.

Couples, who have high levels of this chemical, solve conflict FASTER.
People who lack this chemical struggle with forming a long term relationship

When you look into the eyes of someone that you like, Oxytosin in the mind is released, a physco active drug that has long term causes of living longer.

Science of Motivation

Science of Motivation (Rethinking how we run our businesses)

Candle Problem from 1945 - Box of thumbtacks, a candle, and matches. You must attach candle to wall so wax doesn't drip onto the table. What do people try to do? (Functional Fixedness - Cognitive bias that limits a person to using an object only in the way that it is traditionally used, or "mental block against using an object in a new way that is required to solve a problem."

Experiment using candle problem (Power of Incentives)
Time how quickly you can solve this problem
1 group - Time you to establish norms, averages, how long it takes for someone to solve problem
1 group -If in top 25% of fastest times, you get $5. If you are the fastest, you get $10.
Took 2nd group three and half minutes longer to solve the problem.

We think "If we want people to work better, we have to reward them". That's not happening here, though.

Mismatch between what science knows and what business does.
If-then rewards eliminates creativity in the workforce.
ROWE (Rewards Only Work Environment) - Higher productivity, lower turnover rate, higher employee satisfaction. Everyone works on their own time, whenever you want. Come and go as you please.

This is How Feel

So I'm at work and right now I keep getting so many mixed emotions that it's starting to drive me crazy. Like, one second I can feel very happy and the next I start thinking so negatively that you would think I have some kind of emotional disorder, but thankfully, I don't. I think my biggest problem is that I tend to over think a lot of stuff and that makes my mind analyze more than it's supposed to. I'm hot, I'm cold, I'm hungry, I'm thirsty. Can I never be fully satisfied? Is that what people always ask the world and I'm finally starting to figure out this out? I sure hope not, because I've always been an overall happy person and I would hate to see myself start falling back down the hill after how far I've gotten in my life. I really just think I'm emotionally depressed because of how I've been treated in the past and after awhile, it takes catches up with me. The only two girls I have ever been in love with both screwed me over and now it's just a mind game for me.

I just want to graduate college and find an awesome career job and start making lots of money so I can either get away from North Carolina and start a new life somewhere else, or start a life with someone. I know that probably sounds lame, but it's true.

So for now, I've got my eyes on two girls who I can see something taking off in the near future. If for some reason nothing is able to work with any of them, I'm going to move to a new place after college and try to start a new life

As much as I love North Carolina, I just want to experience more than what I can here. I'm tired of living a normal life - I want to actually have fun and be carefree and not have a care in the world. I feel like right now that I'm not fully able to do that because of so many constraints that are here.

Maybe after I move away, my mind will be more open and free and happiness will finally find me. Lets hope so.

So, now what?

Okay, well, Samantha has been in and out of the picture since September. If you recall, we finally settled our differences but still don't see each other often. It would finally seem as if for once, my mind is off a girl for a change... I wish that was the case. Like always, when one goes away, one always shows up.

This time, the situation is very different. This semester, in one of my college classes, I met this girl who is far different than all the rest. I know that seems farfetched, but I'm being serious. She is very outspoken, she doesn't hide her feelings, she's real, and most importantly she is not shy! Not only is she beautiful, but she is very intelligent as well. She works for the Children's Theater in Charlotte, and she is majoring in Arts and Architecture. Every time we sit together in class, it's always something new. Whether it's a random conversation, or different vibes - it seems somewhat, new.

Classic fairy tale story eh? Well, not quite. What I mean is that she has a girlfriend, and I don't mean the typical "best friend" girls have.. I am talking legit girlfriend status. The only thing that I don't know much about at this point is that of her past. Though we do strike up many conversations, we never go into detail about our lives like that. Maybe I should? The only thing I can think of is that maybe she had some guy do her wrong in the past which made her switch to being with a girl? I don't just want to assume because you know what they say about people that assume, right? Okay then.

I just don't want to lose the hope and faith that I can somewhat see in this situation, though. Like, she seems so into me and likes a lot of what I do and say that I can always tell she is happy when we're together. Maybe as time goes on, she will start to fall for me? I don't know, but at this point, I'm willing to at least wait it out. If you know me and my past, you know that I waited 4 years for one girl before, Jessica, who would then go on to get pregnant and start her life elsewhere. That was a fail, yes, but will stop me again from chasing someone I have interest in? No. What I did learn from that, though, is that I will never spend more than a year chasing someone. I guess I can't say never because I can't predict my future, but I would hope that I could use that lost time to do something more productive with my life.

Samantha, who has come and gone, was my most recent relationship. She was the first one to open my eyes to how I know I need to be treated and how it really feels to truly love someone. And even though she is out of my life now, she did leave me with that in which I can use for my own good down the road. In fact, I want to make a list of what my relationships have taught me.

Brittany - Being hopeless in a relationship isn't a bad thing.
Jessica - How to be real - to do what you want to do and not let anyone stop you.
Amanda - You can't truly know someone until you get to see their life.
Samantha - What love is supposed to be life, both ways.

So, if you take all four of those concepts, you can sort of figure that I've learned a lot about relationships. So, if this girl from class were to ever take off, or grow, how would these four lessons learned help me? Can they? If not, what will be my lesson learned from her? These are the thoughts I get in my head that drive me to want to further my research in love and relationships. So for now, I am going to leave everything at this. If anything between her and myself strengthen or weaken, I'll be sure to throw a post up about it.

God is love,
Christian Lawrence

Round 2, Fight?

So, Samantha and I haven't had any form of communication since May (4 months ago). After I found out she was cheating on me, she instantly blocked my cell phone number and blocked me on Facebook as well. Time went on, and even though it has taken me much more time to get over her than I thought, apart of me still missed her in my life, even if it wasn't as a "girlfriend". So, last week, I wrote a letter to her sister and asked her if she could send it to Samantha for me. She ensured me that she would - and she did just that.
One day later, while I was at work, my phone alerted me of a text. It was from Samantha - (Her number was still stored in my phone). Awkward, we texted back and forth for about 10-15 minutes before we just got caught up in what we were doing. About an hour later, my phone rang. It was. . . Samantha, and take in account that this was the first time I have heard her voice since May. When I answered, she asked me where she could park at because she was at my work. Shocked, I told her where to park at and she told me she would be inside to see me in a few minutes.
I came up to the information desk, which is where I was informed she was at, and poked her with a surprise "Hi"! She gave me a hug, and we just talked briefly about how things have been going. She stated that she was still with her boyfriend (the one she cheated on me with) but I then assured her from the letter that I'm not the one to judge or hold any grudges. By that time, her sister came through the front entrance, and they had to go. As she walked off almost instantly, she turned back around and made hand motions to "text me". Since last night, we've been steadily texting and carrying on conversations. I asked her to breakfast this morning, but she questioned me by saying "Isn't that considered a date?". So, we were going to after I convinced her, but this morning she called me and said she got called into work.

So overall, I'm happy that this has happend. Am I glad she cheated? No. Am I glad we broke up? No. But, am I glad I at least have her in my life? For sure! This is just who I am, and I know most people look down on me for it, but I think this is the right move.