The Struggle

The past is always there, calling my name, wanting me to give into the temptation to reach out to those who did me wrong, or never gave me the time of day. The thought process the mind goes through when it wants to achieve something it couldn't do before. Maybe things have changed? Or, just maybe, we have witnessed or been through more situations that will help us achieve that unknown. We're always going to be stuck wondering "what if" for all those moments we couldn't get what we wanted.

Feeling Lost

So, now what? It's been a year since graduating college. I look back at my 4 year journey and it makes me sad because of all the good times and memories I created. The fun adventures of working in the Student Union with all my friends, and watching movies with them in the Movie Theater. Literally, those were the best years of my life, no doubt.

I just look back at it, and now I realize what everyone talks about. You know, living in the moment. Like, not wanting to rush through life and taking what you have in front of you and making the most of it. Yeah, I see it now and I regret some things. It's almost like I wanted to grow up too fast. I think it was my junior year in college that I wanted to rush things so I could hurry up and graduate. I wanted to graduate fast, get out, get a high paying job, make lots of money, and live that big fancy life.

Well, that's not the case of what really happened. I graduated in December 2013. So, 2014, to me, had such high expectations. I wanted to do the impossible. I wanted to make my family and friends proud. I wanted to prove to them and myself that I was meant to be here and that I could make something of myself.

In 2014, I ended up living in 3 different states and holding 6 different jobs. The word of the year was unstable. I went to Disney after college to make minimum wage to pursue dreams of my Disney Career. I ended up leaving Disney for Avis Budget Group in Orlando. Then I left there and moved back to North Carolina in the Summer. I felt lost. I didn't know what I wanted. Then, in late fall, I moved to Michigan to be with my now, girlfriend. I'm still lost.

I miss North Carolina. I miss my old friends. I miss my family. I miss my old lifestyle. I miss doing what makes me happy. But, if there's one thing I have learned in the last year, it's this - The grass isn't always greener on the other side. And, please, believe me. It is not. I promise.

As of now, it's January 2015. I'm working in a call center answering phone calls all day, making a wage that in no way meets my expectations for having a 4 year Business degree.

What do I do? Do I quit and go back to North Carolina? Do I stick with it and stay in Michigan? I don't know what to do, but I guess time will tell.

Hopefully things get better, soon.