So I'm at work and right now I keep getting so many mixed emotions that it's starting to drive me crazy. Like, one second I can feel very happy and the next I start thinking so negatively that you would think I have some kind of emotional disorder, but thankfully, I don't. I think my biggest problem is that I tend to over think a lot of stuff and that makes my mind analyze more than it's supposed to. I'm hot, I'm cold, I'm hungry, I'm thirsty. Can I never be fully satisfied? Is that what people always ask the world and I'm finally starting to figure out this out? I sure hope not, because I've always been an overall happy person and I would hate to see myself start falling back down the hill after how far I've gotten in my life. I really just think I'm emotionally depressed because of how I've been treated in the past and after awhile, it takes catches up with me. The only two girls I have ever been in love with both screwed me over and now it's just a mind game for me.
I just want to graduate college and find an awesome career job and start making lots of money so I can either get away from North Carolina and start a new life somewhere else, or start a life with someone. I know that probably sounds lame, but it's true.
So for now, I've got my eyes on two girls who I can see something taking off in the near future. If for some reason nothing is able to work with any of them, I'm going to move to a new place after college and try to start a new life
As much as I love North Carolina, I just want to experience more than what I can here. I'm tired of living a normal life - I want to actually have fun and be carefree and not have a care in the world. I feel like right now that I'm not fully able to do that because of so many constraints that are here.
Maybe after I move away, my mind will be more open and free and happiness will finally find me. Lets hope so.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
So, now what?
Okay, well, Samantha has been in and out of the picture since September. If you recall, we finally settled our differences but still don't see each other often. It would finally seem as if for once, my mind is off a girl for a change... I wish that was the case. Like always, when one goes away, one always shows up.
This time, the situation is very different. This semester, in one of my college classes, I met this girl who is far different than all the rest. I know that seems farfetched, but I'm being serious. She is very outspoken, she doesn't hide her feelings, she's real, and most importantly she is not shy! Not only is she beautiful, but she is very intelligent as well. She works for the Children's Theater in Charlotte, and she is majoring in Arts and Architecture. Every time we sit together in class, it's always something new. Whether it's a random conversation, or different vibes - it seems somewhat, new.
Classic fairy tale story eh? Well, not quite. What I mean is that she has a girlfriend, and I don't mean the typical "best friend" girls have.. I am talking legit girlfriend status. The only thing that I don't know much about at this point is that of her past. Though we do strike up many conversations, we never go into detail about our lives like that. Maybe I should? The only thing I can think of is that maybe she had some guy do her wrong in the past which made her switch to being with a girl? I don't just want to assume because you know what they say about people that assume, right? Okay then.
I just don't want to lose the hope and faith that I can somewhat see in this situation, though. Like, she seems so into me and likes a lot of what I do and say that I can always tell she is happy when we're together. Maybe as time goes on, she will start to fall for me? I don't know, but at this point, I'm willing to at least wait it out. If you know me and my past, you know that I waited 4 years for one girl before, Jessica, who would then go on to get pregnant and start her life elsewhere. That was a fail, yes, but will stop me again from chasing someone I have interest in? No. What I did learn from that, though, is that I will never spend more than a year chasing someone. I guess I can't say never because I can't predict my future, but I would hope that I could use that lost time to do something more productive with my life.
Samantha, who has come and gone, was my most recent relationship. She was the first one to open my eyes to how I know I need to be treated and how it really feels to truly love someone. And even though she is out of my life now, she did leave me with that in which I can use for my own good down the road. In fact, I want to make a list of what my relationships have taught me.
Brittany - Being hopeless in a relationship isn't a bad thing.
Jessica - How to be real - to do what you want to do and not let anyone stop you.
Amanda - You can't truly know someone until you get to see their life.
Samantha - What love is supposed to be life, both ways.
So, if you take all four of those concepts, you can sort of figure that I've learned a lot about relationships. So, if this girl from class were to ever take off, or grow, how would these four lessons learned help me? Can they? If not, what will be my lesson learned from her? These are the thoughts I get in my head that drive me to want to further my research in love and relationships. So for now, I am going to leave everything at this. If anything between her and myself strengthen or weaken, I'll be sure to throw a post up about it.
God is love,
Christian Lawrence
This time, the situation is very different. This semester, in one of my college classes, I met this girl who is far different than all the rest. I know that seems farfetched, but I'm being serious. She is very outspoken, she doesn't hide her feelings, she's real, and most importantly she is not shy! Not only is she beautiful, but she is very intelligent as well. She works for the Children's Theater in Charlotte, and she is majoring in Arts and Architecture. Every time we sit together in class, it's always something new. Whether it's a random conversation, or different vibes - it seems somewhat, new.
Classic fairy tale story eh? Well, not quite. What I mean is that she has a girlfriend, and I don't mean the typical "best friend" girls have.. I am talking legit girlfriend status. The only thing that I don't know much about at this point is that of her past. Though we do strike up many conversations, we never go into detail about our lives like that. Maybe I should? The only thing I can think of is that maybe she had some guy do her wrong in the past which made her switch to being with a girl? I don't just want to assume because you know what they say about people that assume, right? Okay then.
I just don't want to lose the hope and faith that I can somewhat see in this situation, though. Like, she seems so into me and likes a lot of what I do and say that I can always tell she is happy when we're together. Maybe as time goes on, she will start to fall for me? I don't know, but at this point, I'm willing to at least wait it out. If you know me and my past, you know that I waited 4 years for one girl before, Jessica, who would then go on to get pregnant and start her life elsewhere. That was a fail, yes, but will stop me again from chasing someone I have interest in? No. What I did learn from that, though, is that I will never spend more than a year chasing someone. I guess I can't say never because I can't predict my future, but I would hope that I could use that lost time to do something more productive with my life.
Samantha, who has come and gone, was my most recent relationship. She was the first one to open my eyes to how I know I need to be treated and how it really feels to truly love someone. And even though she is out of my life now, she did leave me with that in which I can use for my own good down the road. In fact, I want to make a list of what my relationships have taught me.
Brittany - Being hopeless in a relationship isn't a bad thing.
Jessica - How to be real - to do what you want to do and not let anyone stop you.
Amanda - You can't truly know someone until you get to see their life.
Samantha - What love is supposed to be life, both ways.
So, if you take all four of those concepts, you can sort of figure that I've learned a lot about relationships. So, if this girl from class were to ever take off, or grow, how would these four lessons learned help me? Can they? If not, what will be my lesson learned from her? These are the thoughts I get in my head that drive me to want to further my research in love and relationships. So for now, I am going to leave everything at this. If anything between her and myself strengthen or weaken, I'll be sure to throw a post up about it.
God is love,
Christian Lawrence
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