How Much Money is LOVE Worth?

You can't "buy" love, but what if you could?
* If I had a machine that would make you fall in love with somebody for the rest of your life, what would I charge you to use the machine?

Passionate Love ONLY - This is what we see in new couples today - Where you want to be with that person every minute possible, almost obsessive like. This is also called Limerence - Like waking up early to go get breakfast and missing class to see that person

Men and Women both experience the same levels of passionate love while in a relationship.
Men tend to fall into love, faster and sooner, than women, who tend to be more cautious.

UK Experiment - Compared the feelings of people being told "I love you" for the first time to that of when gamblers win large sums of money,
Hearing I love you is ~ = $267,000

Visualizing the effect money has on a person - Love is democratic, everyone feels it, no matter who you are or how much money you have.

Having more money does not equate to being more happy - Hedonistic treadmill - Getting more money helps with happiness, but only to certain point ($75,000) then money has diminishing returns on how happy it makes you.

Long term, committed relationships -  love correlates to living longer.

Life-long pair bonds (a relationship that lasts a lifetime), (long term, compassionate love) - live 15% longer on average (~$30,40,000)

Oxytosin - Chemical released in the brain when you look at pictures of someone who you have had a committed, long term relationship with. Elevated levels have been seen in dogs who have been petted for long periods of time.

Couples, who have high levels of this chemical, solve conflict FASTER.
People who lack this chemical struggle with forming a long term relationship

When you look into the eyes of someone that you like, Oxytosin in the mind is released, a physco active drug that has long term causes of living longer.

Science of Motivation

Science of Motivation (Rethinking how we run our businesses)

Candle Problem from 1945 - Box of thumbtacks, a candle, and matches. You must attach candle to wall so wax doesn't drip onto the table. What do people try to do? (Functional Fixedness - Cognitive bias that limits a person to using an object only in the way that it is traditionally used, or "mental block against using an object in a new way that is required to solve a problem."

Experiment using candle problem (Power of Incentives)
Time how quickly you can solve this problem
1 group - Time you to establish norms, averages, how long it takes for someone to solve problem
1 group -If in top 25% of fastest times, you get $5. If you are the fastest, you get $10.
Took 2nd group three and half minutes longer to solve the problem.

We think "If we want people to work better, we have to reward them". That's not happening here, though.

Mismatch between what science knows and what business does.
If-then rewards eliminates creativity in the workforce.
ROWE (Rewards Only Work Environment) - Higher productivity, lower turnover rate, higher employee satisfaction. Everyone works on their own time, whenever you want. Come and go as you please.

This is How Feel

So I'm at work and right now I keep getting so many mixed emotions that it's starting to drive me crazy. Like, one second I can feel very happy and the next I start thinking so negatively that you would think I have some kind of emotional disorder, but thankfully, I don't. I think my biggest problem is that I tend to over think a lot of stuff and that makes my mind analyze more than it's supposed to. I'm hot, I'm cold, I'm hungry, I'm thirsty. Can I never be fully satisfied? Is that what people always ask the world and I'm finally starting to figure out this out? I sure hope not, because I've always been an overall happy person and I would hate to see myself start falling back down the hill after how far I've gotten in my life. I really just think I'm emotionally depressed because of how I've been treated in the past and after awhile, it takes catches up with me. The only two girls I have ever been in love with both screwed me over and now it's just a mind game for me.

I just want to graduate college and find an awesome career job and start making lots of money so I can either get away from North Carolina and start a new life somewhere else, or start a life with someone. I know that probably sounds lame, but it's true.

So for now, I've got my eyes on two girls who I can see something taking off in the near future. If for some reason nothing is able to work with any of them, I'm going to move to a new place after college and try to start a new life

As much as I love North Carolina, I just want to experience more than what I can here. I'm tired of living a normal life - I want to actually have fun and be carefree and not have a care in the world. I feel like right now that I'm not fully able to do that because of so many constraints that are here.

Maybe after I move away, my mind will be more open and free and happiness will finally find me. Lets hope so.

So, now what?

Okay, well, Samantha has been in and out of the picture since September. If you recall, we finally settled our differences but still don't see each other often. It would finally seem as if for once, my mind is off a girl for a change... I wish that was the case. Like always, when one goes away, one always shows up.

This time, the situation is very different. This semester, in one of my college classes, I met this girl who is far different than all the rest. I know that seems farfetched, but I'm being serious. She is very outspoken, she doesn't hide her feelings, she's real, and most importantly she is not shy! Not only is she beautiful, but she is very intelligent as well. She works for the Children's Theater in Charlotte, and she is majoring in Arts and Architecture. Every time we sit together in class, it's always something new. Whether it's a random conversation, or different vibes - it seems somewhat, new.

Classic fairy tale story eh? Well, not quite. What I mean is that she has a girlfriend, and I don't mean the typical "best friend" girls have.. I am talking legit girlfriend status. The only thing that I don't know much about at this point is that of her past. Though we do strike up many conversations, we never go into detail about our lives like that. Maybe I should? The only thing I can think of is that maybe she had some guy do her wrong in the past which made her switch to being with a girl? I don't just want to assume because you know what they say about people that assume, right? Okay then.

I just don't want to lose the hope and faith that I can somewhat see in this situation, though. Like, she seems so into me and likes a lot of what I do and say that I can always tell she is happy when we're together. Maybe as time goes on, she will start to fall for me? I don't know, but at this point, I'm willing to at least wait it out. If you know me and my past, you know that I waited 4 years for one girl before, Jessica, who would then go on to get pregnant and start her life elsewhere. That was a fail, yes, but will stop me again from chasing someone I have interest in? No. What I did learn from that, though, is that I will never spend more than a year chasing someone. I guess I can't say never because I can't predict my future, but I would hope that I could use that lost time to do something more productive with my life.

Samantha, who has come and gone, was my most recent relationship. She was the first one to open my eyes to how I know I need to be treated and how it really feels to truly love someone. And even though she is out of my life now, she did leave me with that in which I can use for my own good down the road. In fact, I want to make a list of what my relationships have taught me.

Brittany - Being hopeless in a relationship isn't a bad thing.
Jessica - How to be real - to do what you want to do and not let anyone stop you.
Amanda - You can't truly know someone until you get to see their life.
Samantha - What love is supposed to be life, both ways.

So, if you take all four of those concepts, you can sort of figure that I've learned a lot about relationships. So, if this girl from class were to ever take off, or grow, how would these four lessons learned help me? Can they? If not, what will be my lesson learned from her? These are the thoughts I get in my head that drive me to want to further my research in love and relationships. So for now, I am going to leave everything at this. If anything between her and myself strengthen or weaken, I'll be sure to throw a post up about it.

God is love,
Christian Lawrence

Round 2, Fight?

So, Samantha and I haven't had any form of communication since May (4 months ago). After I found out she was cheating on me, she instantly blocked my cell phone number and blocked me on Facebook as well. Time went on, and even though it has taken me much more time to get over her than I thought, apart of me still missed her in my life, even if it wasn't as a "girlfriend". So, last week, I wrote a letter to her sister and asked her if she could send it to Samantha for me. She ensured me that she would - and she did just that.
One day later, while I was at work, my phone alerted me of a text. It was from Samantha - (Her number was still stored in my phone). Awkward, we texted back and forth for about 10-15 minutes before we just got caught up in what we were doing. About an hour later, my phone rang. It was. . . Samantha, and take in account that this was the first time I have heard her voice since May. When I answered, she asked me where she could park at because she was at my work. Shocked, I told her where to park at and she told me she would be inside to see me in a few minutes.
I came up to the information desk, which is where I was informed she was at, and poked her with a surprise "Hi"! She gave me a hug, and we just talked briefly about how things have been going. She stated that she was still with her boyfriend (the one she cheated on me with) but I then assured her from the letter that I'm not the one to judge or hold any grudges. By that time, her sister came through the front entrance, and they had to go. As she walked off almost instantly, she turned back around and made hand motions to "text me". Since last night, we've been steadily texting and carrying on conversations. I asked her to breakfast this morning, but she questioned me by saying "Isn't that considered a date?". So, we were going to after I convinced her, but this morning she called me and said she got called into work.

So overall, I'm happy that this has happend. Am I glad she cheated? No. Am I glad we broke up? No. But, am I glad I at least have her in my life? For sure! This is just who I am, and I know most people look down on me for it, but I think this is the right move.

Make me feel like..

(Name undisclosed),
I'm probably going to be the first person to ever write you something that consist of what I'm going to describe, so if I am, you're very welcome.
First off, like I've assured you before, you have such a intellectual mind and honestly, you are the only person I have came across to have the same mentality as I do. I used to feel like I was a diamond in a haystack, and I couldn't show my full potential, then I found you, and now we can both shine together. Never underestimate your mind, and your feelings. I've already discovered what I am capable of, and that's something that I can not describe how to do. People ask me how to do, and I do not know how to answer. It's just a spiritual thing. But, when it comes to you, I see a mirror of myself, and that is something that assures me that you are lucky. You have so much potential in you, and there are areas of you that I'm sure you haven't discovered yet - but don't worry. It will come. I promise. Your self confidence should always remain high, no matter what. No matter how low life can get, no matter how much someone may hurt you, or no matter much you may sometimes hate yourself, you hold a gift that God gave you - the mind you have. A lot of people come off as dull, and not at all intellectual, and they wish they could be, but they just can't. You have what they want.
Also, you are very beautiful, so beautiful. Don't never doubt anything about your physical appearance. You are one of the, if not the most beautiful girl I've ever met. Not ALL because of your outside beauty, but because of your inside to. You are a very unique individual, and I really want you to understand that. If I had to invest my faith and confidence into 1 person that I had to choose, it would be you because I know you would use it to the best of your ability.
You mean a lot to me, and it is in so many different ways. As many people that have done me wrong, you have treated me better than anyone ever has. You make me feel like the person I've always wanted to be looked at as, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. I know you're going to be someone who will be in my life forever. No matter what - you are blessing from the skies, and I hope you know how much I look up to you. If I can talk to you for hours at a time, and never lose my train of thought, you are worthy of my time. I will always be here to help you in anyway possible. Whenever you need me, I will be here for you. No matter the time, day, or year - you know where to find me. Use it to your advantage. I mean it! Even if it's borrowing $1,000, well, you get the point. Never be afraid to ask, ANYTHING. I'm not the one to judge, and I will try to steer you in the best way possible. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I've made, and I don't want you to get hurt the way I have. You deserve a lot out of life, and a lot out of someone as well. You are that of high value, so you shouldn't EVER settle for anything less than that.
So, with all of that being said, I hope I have restored your own faith in yourself, and have made you feel better about yourself, and life in general. I wouldn't have typed all of this if I didn't feel as if you wouldn't have taken it to heart. You are Jessica Dawn Hill - you are you - and you are one of a kind.

God is love - Love God!

Christian!

Where I stand.

First of all, I just want to start off by saying there is 1 individual, who will remain disclosed, that has restored my faith and confidence that I lost years ago. She knows who she is, and I consider her a life saver, literally. Other than that, things are starting to slowly get better for myself. I just got off a rough stretch of bad luck and bad times. That leads me now to tell you this - no matter how hard life gets, always have faith in yourself to assure that you will get through it. A lot of people in life will lose faith in humanity, at one point or another, but the only person that you must not lose faith in, ultimately, is yourself. The most important thing to do in life is to never stop questioning yourself, mentally, and emotionally. No matter how well you know yourself, there is always room for expansion. Right now, there are still things about me that I know I haven't explored yet, but will the more time goes on. That is my goal for you - challenge yourself to further dig in your mind to uncover areas that you never thought existed. In the end, you will be surprised at what you will find.

Birthday Surprise

Took a girl from my college out for her birthday. ! I took her to build a bear!

"Hey! :) thanks for everything today! You are awesome. I'm going to remember this birthday forever cause of you." - Michelle

Message to All

For all of the people that have done me wrong, thank you, and God bless you. I really hope that you get to learn later on in life that the way you interact with people is substandard and needs major repair. All my life, all I have done is been there through the good and the bad to better help people get through their lives and to provide mental and emotional support whenever it was needed. Time and time again I have been used, played, cheated on, and most of all, hurt. They say time heals everything and it really does. It hurts to have lost so many important people that have made a positive impact on my life, but as Tupac said "if you can make it though the night, there's a brighter day". At the end of the day, I know that the decisions I make and the people I come in contact with are both 100% truthful to the fullest measure. Also, for all the people that continue to make threats at me, and try to bring failure to my face, God bless you too. I've gotten where I am today because of qualities that you lack and maybe if you spent less time judging other people and worried more about the problems that arise in your life, you might be somewhere better than where you currently are. Let this be a lesson to each and everyone of you. I'm going to do what I want to do, and I'm going to do that until the day that I die, and if I can't do that then I'll just die.

The Three Factors

It's hard to swallow the fact that someone who once cared for you so much and was in your life everyday, helping you with your struggles, is no longer apart of your life. This doesn't have to always be related to someone who you were once in a relationship with, but it can old friends as well. In the past year, I've lost my girlfriend, and my best male friend, and my best female friend. A lot of people might look at this as something being wrong with me, or maybe I did something to deserve it? Well, honestly, I didn't. All I have tried to do my entire life is stand up for what I believe in. My two biggest methods of living life is to love hard, and work hard. My best male friend and I recently went our separate ways due to financial obligations that surrounded us in an apartment we shared. I have faith that this will work itself out, but it goes to show you what money can do to people. My best female friend and I departed in March 2010. Granted, she was my best friend, I actually was in love with her for four years still waiting to get my chance. Well, she randomly called me one day in May and told me she was pregnant with someone else's child. They both live their lives, together, with their child. My recent girlfriend, who I started dating in February, cheated on me. I had to find out for myself. It turns out while she was dating me, she was also lurking around with other men without me knowing. The same day that I found out she was cheating on me was the same night she went to some guys high school prom.

These three people meant everything to me. Now, here I am, a full time college student with nothing but textbooks and a little bit of cash, and I have no one. Sure, I have a lot of people that I consider associates around school, but I lost the three most important people of life, excluding family. How do you overcome this? Like, you try to make yourself feel better by saying that things will eventually work itself out in time, but will it? When I lost Jessica, I was really down but I tried to keep confidence within me to know everything would be alright. Then I lost Samantha. This even caused me a Boxer's Fracture on my right hand because I let out my anger on a brick wall. This ended me up with over $1,000.00 in hospitals and doctor fees. After I lost her, I had no one to really go to. But, at the end of the day, I knew I would always have my main best friend, and he was also someone I considered my brother. Over time, I started to feel a little better. Now, I don't even have him. I am left with nothing.
All I really to lean on now are my memories, and writing. I really do think that my memories are what really keeps me sane. I try to not worry about it, but after being hurt time and time again, it does something to you. I know there has to be other guys in this world that can know what I'm going through. In reality, it sucks because I know a lot of guys that just have fun, get lots of girls, and don't worry about anything. The thing with me, though, is I actually care. I consider myself to be a hopeless romantic, and this ends up biting me in the end. Is it that I care to much? But if I cared too less, that would be bad right? Or would it? I don't ever want to change who I am to please others, because honestly I am happy with who I am and what I've done over my 20 years of living and know that I have worked very hard to get where I am today. My parents always told me that because of my mind and maturity that I was going to end up settling down with someone who is older than me. Either way, I don't even want to know what the future has in store for me when it comes to relationships. All I know at this very moment is that I need to graduate college and keep on living my dream to the best of my ability. As soon as you see my train coming, feel free to hop on or hop off. Either way, I know where I am going and I could really care less who comes aboard.

What I Miss

The random kisses throughout the day
Driving listening to her sing her lungs out
Cuddling in the bed watching movies
Surprising her and seeing her smile
When she would lay her head on lap while I drove
Our Lil Wayne Battles in the car
Being close with her family
Being able to bring a girl home
Feeling content
Feeling happy 24/7
The late night phone calls
The I Love You's
When she would call me baby
Fighting and making up
My focus
My drive
My optimism
My overall health
Not smoking because I quit for her!
Feeling wanted
Having someone to talk to
Knowing someone loved me for who I really was
Someone having faith in me

Most of all... her

Words of Advice

"You'll be OK, Christian. You just be you and keep striving to be the best you can physically, spiritually, emotionally, and professionally.

Just remember that "like attracts like." So if you're positive, educated, healthy, and happy, you'll attract someone just like that! If you're moody, judgmental, angry or whatever, then you'll attract that.

And don't force happiness or you'll end up exhausting yourself. Seek out the people, places, and things that make you happy and fill you up!"


- Alex :)

College Students and Love

10,000 college students in California were surveyed the following two questions.

1.) Have you ever been rejected by someone you were in love with?
2.) Have you ever dumped someone who was in love with you?

Studies show that 95% of the students answered "YES" to both of these questions.

Interestingly, love is not as theatrical as people think it is.

Interesting Love Facts I Learned

I just watched a few videos from www.ted.com and there was a woman who studies neuroscience that gave a lot of information about love and the effects it has on the brain. Here are a few of the notes that I took from watching.

54% of writers are female
91% of American Woman and 86% of American Men would NOT marry someone who had every single quality they were looking for in someone if they were not in love with them.

Keys to an attraction include (Timing, Proximity, Mystery)

The brain, dealing with love, has 3 different areas. (Lust, Romantic Love, Attachment)
The reason why humans get attached to someone after making love, or sex, is because when you have an orgasm, you brain "sprays" a chemical called dopamine on the area of your brain that is in charge of your attachment.

When you take anti-depressants over long periods of times, here's what really happens in a simple description.
When you take an anti-depressant, your Serotonin levels increase, and your dopamine levels decrease, which decreases a person's sex drive. In turn, that takes away from the increased levels of attachment you receive when you reach an orgasm.

The End of a Fairy Tale

So, it's been quite some time that I updated this blog and here is the reason why. Ever since the breakup I went through with Samantha, it's been hard for me to write about how I feel. So, in turn, I feel somewhat at ease now to inform everyone as to what happened.

It was May 9 - Our anniversary, and even at this time, the road had been getting bumpy for quite some time. Well, the good person that I am threw away all the negativity behind me only to ensure she got a fantastic day out of this. I went to Wal-Mart and spent about an hour deciding on what kind of gift I wanted to get her. After narrowing it down to a few solid choices, I decided to go with a sterling silver necklace that had a heart dangling from it with four small diamonds engraved on the heart. I put it on my credit card, and to kill two birds with one stone, got a card as well.

I couldn't get a hold of her at all that morning and I had class about an hour or so after I left Wal-Mart. So, I decided to stop by her house in hopes that maybe she would be there. I pulled up, the three dogs started barking loudly, and didn't think no one was home. I walked to the front door only to be greeted by her mother. I explained to her about Samantha and how the lack of communication had been getting worse and that I didn't know where she was at. Well, her mother told me that she had just left to go to the gym with one of her friends. (Which makes me question why she wouldn't answer her phone if she had been up)
 I gave the card and the gift box to her mom and requested she put both of them on Samantha's bed, preferbaly with the card leaning up against the box to make for a good display!

Time went on that day and I began to focus more on the classes I had to attend to that day. I got back to my dorm room at about 8:30pm (had a late class) and still hadn't heard anything from Samantha. As usual when I come back from class, I hop on Facebook to see what's going on with my friends and such. This is where the story gets heated up.

I came across, on her profile, where she had recently became friends with one of her ex's. I had remembered his name from prior power talks we used to have about our pasts. Well, even though he isn't my friend, I was still able to look at his information only because he had it set to public.

The very first thing I saw when I went to his profile was his initials and Samantha's initials as a post that had been made about an hour before I saw it. I scrolled down to see another post where he stated he was glad he got to see his "babygirl" today. A few comments from his friends insisted to know who that certain someone was, and he replied back to them and said "Samantha Price".

I immediately storm out of my room and to the elevators. Impatiently waiting on the elevator to get to the seventh floor, I violently punched the wall which would eventually end up being a "Boxer's Fracture" that I had to have minor surgery on. I get down to the entrance of my dormitory, and part of the staff that knew me obviously saw me shaking in panic and tried to comfort me with words the best they could. I briefly gave them the run down of what had happened, and they were at a loss of words.

I get outside, light a cigarette, and trying to cool down, I decide to text Samantha and instead of calling her to prevent me saying anything out of the way that might lead me into some trouble. I texted her and said "You're cheating on me?". (Note: She hadn't replied to anything from me ALL DAY). About five minutes later, my phone had an incoming text and sure enough, it was from Samantha. She replied "No. Why would you think that?". That made me even more furious because I knew that she was intentionally trying to hide it. Not knowing what to say, I don't say anything for the next five to ten minutes. Impatient and confused, Samantha calls me demanding to know "what the hell is going on". I cut her off, and for about three minutes, I'm constantly just throwing out everything that I saw and read at her while at the same time, cutting her off from trying to interrupt what I was saying. She eventually calmed me down (minimally might I add) and got me to talk to her on a calmer level. She admitted that she agreed to be "cool" with him and that was it. She also stated that he was "obsessive, and sometimes a creeper" when it came to her and he would say anything he could to make himself believe that. Gullible, I believed about 70% of what she told me and decided to let it rest and let everything just sink in.

While still on the phone with her, I randomly asked her if she had gotten the gifts that I dropped off for her. Curious, she stated that she didn't know what I was talking about. I told her to look on her bed and there would be a card and a little gift box for our anniversary. She got quiet, but in the background, I could hear her opening the card by the ripping of the envelope. I could hear her quietly reading what I wrote her and as she said thank you, pulled out the the necklace from the box and said "Oh my God. I feel like such a bitch". I replied to her and said "Yeah, I bet so". It felt good to hear her say that because a part of me wanted to realize that she really did feel bad and had quickly learned her lesson. Romantically, I pour out my heart to her about how much I care for her and how much I was scared she was going to leave me, hurt me, and/or cheat on me and that I was shaking so bad that I was on the edge of wanting to go to the emergency room. After all that, she remained quiet, and I could her a few sniffles in the background. I demanded that I wanted to come over right then and see her, even if it was for a few seconds. She quickly shot that down. I tried asking over and over and finally she gave in and said "You can come get a hug and then you can leave because I'm tired and don't feel good". I drove to her house (about 1 minute from campus) pulled up, got out of the car, walked up to the gate and she came out. Without any words being exchanged, we hugged, and she just turned around to head back inside. I said "I love you?". I got no reply. I went back to my dorm, and laid in bed, questioning myself as to what was going on.

The next morning I woke up and felt somewhat better, but still had a massive headache. I did my morning routine of checking my Facebook, only to find that Samantha's no longer existed. I found it quite odd, so I checked her ex's Facebook for some odd reason is his no longer existed either. Confused, I had my friend log on to his to see if she was still on there, and sure enough she was. I texted her and asked her why I couldn't find her on Facebook and she said" I deleted it because I'm tired of all the drama."

A few days of pain from my fractured right hand and too much studying and heart pain, I decided to drive to Samantha's sisters house to vent about everything. Luckily, Samantha's sister, Laura, and her husband, John, appreciated me enough as a person and to this day still stay in touch with me. I walked in, grabbed a seat, and got a cold beer and began telling everything to them. Sadly, a lot of what I was telling them, they turned right around and proved me wrong and told me what really happened. What did I learn from this? I'm not the first person Samantha has done this to. She was described to me as a "con-artist" and was very smart about erasing her tracks, per say.

As of this day, Samantha has blocked me from nearly every single form of communication possible. From what I've learned from her friends and people that know her, she is doing the SAME exact thing she did to all the ones before me, and including me, to a new guy who is sadly going down the path of a eternal redemption.

1 Month

So, this coming Saturday will be one month exactly that Samantha and I started dating. Like her, I feel as if in this one month it feels like we have accomplished so much to the point that it feels like it's been way longer than what it really is. As many people that are close to me know, Jessica was apart of my life for nearly 4 years before she got pregnant and moved on with her life. I never would have thought someone would be able to come along and sweep me off of my feet like Samantha has done. She gives me the feelings that I never had with Jessica and makes me feel more loved than Jessica ever showed me. Because Jessica was my first "true love", I thought I knew exactly how it felt to love someone and to be loved back, but I was wrong. Samantha has set that standard and makes me see the bigger picture. I see things in life in a whole different perspective now, with Samantha, that I never have seen before. She makes me whole and she is my other half. I really pray to God I never loose her. My family loves her like I've never seen before, and her family already appreciates the things that I do for her, including how I treat her. On our one month, I plan to make her feel extremely happy in ways that I doubt anyone has ever done before.

Feeling Good

Well, I'm at work right now and it's 12:19am. I get off at 1:30am, then it's back to my dorm room to study for my dreadful managerial accounting test in the morning. While I will be studying during my "all-nighter", I will be heading out to Harris Teeter, down the street from my college, to pick up some boxes for my girlfriend and her parents because they are planning on moving this weekend. I will head out to get them around 6:00am. My accounting test is at 12:30pm. So, I may be able to sneak in a few hours of sleep before my test, but then again, I could use that time to cram even more stuff into my short term memory to make sure I pass this test. Anyways, things with Samantha are going great and for the past few weeks, I've felt better than ever before. I never get any negative thoughts anymore it seems like, and the feeling of knowing you're wanted actually makes the days go by much better. I'm so lucky to have been blessed with such an awesome girlfriend, and I thank God every night for putting us in each others life. I never want to loose her, and I'm pretty confident I won't. I'm off here for the night, just wanted to drop some words while I had the spare time.. Goodnight guys!

A New Beginning is Hard!

I am very thankful to have been blessed with a wonderful girlfriend, Samantha, after everything I have been through in the past couple of years. It is very exciting to discover feelings within your body, or emotions, that you have never felt before. I mean, every time I see her it's like an explosion in my stomach that makes me feel high, emotionally. Even though we are becoming closer with each day that passes, it's hard for me to not think negative, or be pessimistic. I have been played and used so much in the past for my money, my car, and my heart and I mean it was pretty bad. I've never had anything or anyone close to me in a way where I felt safe, secure, and comfortable. Well, Samantha makes me feel this way and it's amazing. The only hard thing I am dealing with now is thinking of how bad will it end, or if she will leave me, cheat on me, play me, use me, or anything of that nature. I know deep down that she would NEVER do that because I can tell she is an honest and down to earth person, but if you're in my shoes, you can't help but to think like this. I mean, this gets to me a lot during the week and makes me almost sick, and I don't want to feel like this. I want to be happy and joyful that I am with someone that finally understands me for who I really am and can see right through me. I guess because of everything I have been through, my heart is just still trying to recover, and Samantha is helping with that. I do know, however, that whenever I overcome this negative style of thinking, I am going to be a very happy person, and I know that Samantha will never have anything to worry about.

Real Talk

"I accept full responsibility for all the wrong I've done. If y'all thought I was perfect, I apologize for being human, but never again, I put my life on that. You can love me, or either leave me. Before you judge me just let me be me." - T.I.

Random Happiness

I love the feeling you get when you are on the phone with someone who means something to you, preferably someone you like, and you can just talk forever. It's like, everything she says means something to you and the conversation never gets boring. It makes me realize that even though I have been hurt many times in the past, that not all girls are that way. It feels good to know that someone can actually appreciate me for who I am and understand my values on life, and share the same thoughts and ideas. Usually, many people get scared when they hear me talk about education, politics, and societal issues because they consider me "not in their league" kind of person, which sucks for them because I think everyone should have someone that has some sort of intelligence when it comes to that kind of stuff, but I guess I'm just on a different page than them and I don't have any problems with that. Anyways, it's been a long time coming because I haven't felt this kind of happiness in years, sad to say. Being happy definietly makes you view life in a whole different perspective!

God is Love! Always remember!

"Misunderstood"

A lot of people ask me where I get my "misunderstood" from.. well, here you go!

This is interesting..

Commonly used phrases we say, but never realize they cancel each other out:

1) Clearly misunderstood
2) Exact Estimate
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Found Missing
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty ugly
8) Seriously funny
9) Only choice
10) Original copies

Walking Behind Slow People

So, being in college for two years, I've noticed this more than once and it's just a small thing that irritates me. I always walk to class instead of driving or taking the trolley just because I want the exercise. Well, everyday, there is always someone in front of me, walking, and I mean slow walking. If I had to give it some mathematical description, I would say for every 2 steps I take equals 1/2 of theirs. I mean, come on. I'm not saying to run to class or speed walk, but at least keep up with everyone else.

First time in a while.

So earlier tonight, before I went to work, I was on the phone with a certain girl for nearly an hour, and this was the first time we've spoken on the phone, ever. I think it's pretty neat actually. One reason is because I'm kind of shy when I am talking to or meeting someone new. The last person I can even remember talking on the phone that long would have to be Jessica. BUT, I think this is cool because obviously we have a lot in common. We'll see where it goes. I'm just tired of something good happening, and it never stays. Maybe this time will be different.
 Also, she sang Lil Wayne on the phone and didn't hold back. +10 cool points!

Talk about a long day.

Saturday, February 26, 2011:
10:00am - Woke up
10:30am-3:00pm - Worked with Daniel on building up the trails for the dirt bike
3:30pm-6:00pm - Washed all my clothes, got a shower, packed my stuff
6:30pm-9:00pm - Met up with Daniel, Kristi, Brandon and Will at Chili's
9:15pm-9:30pm - Stopped by my house, then put gas in the car
10:30pm-2:00am - Worked in the Theater
2:30am - Now - Worked on my Economics homework and made an 85!


It's 4:00am, almost, and now I'm headed back down to Monroe (home) to get some good sleep in to be ready for my grandmother's birthday.

Raining on the Parade

It is a bad feeling, or perhaps bad luck of the draw, when something you're doing is going so well, then all of a sudden can just flop in the blink of an eye. Have you ever had the feeling of something being so great and you felt like you were on top of the world, and as soon as something got intertwined with you and that something, you felt as if there was a balloon in your head that just got deflated? It seems a lot of times, you can be on a "happy" streak where you wake up and carry on your day and you just feel completed and prestigious, then after a few days, something causes that "happy" feeling to fade away, leaving you in a 180 degree feel of emotion, which would be feeling lower than low can get. Your confidence can be at its all time high, then just like that, it can go right back down to rock bottom. I guess that's the point of life though. We are in pursuit of happiness and we are forever trying to figure out what we have to really do to keep our happiness high. Is it just love? Is it money? Is it love and money? Is it actually something we don't really know of? I really hope, sometime soon, someone is able to solve this riddle in what I call life.

I'm the 6th one to talk to Weezy!

Yeah, so as you can see, I was the 6th person to comment on Lil Wayne's Facebook status, in which 4 people gave it thumbs up! : D

Confusion..

It sucks when you meet someone new and while you get good vibes from the person, you have a hard time trying to fully understand them. Like, you talk to them and are able to carry on a conversation, but you can't really get into their mind. It is true that it takes serious time to REALLY know someone, but when it comes to someone who you're physically interested in and you hope to pursue something with them, it leaves you in a confused state of mind. You don't want to say too much to scare them away, but you don't want to say too less to make them think you're not interested. I mean, some would say texting a person everyday is just too much when you're first getting to know someone, and others will say that you should. So, what do you do? You don't really want to waste your time, but giving up seems hopeless too.

Judging

What happened to getting to know someone for who they really are without using first impressions as a instigator for what's to come later? A lot of people are quick to judge someone, at random, without even saying a word to them, and this my friends, is not the way it should be. We are all human; we all talk; we all have minds; the only thing that's different is how we live our lives. That's why I think so many relationships fail at a young age. Most  people are only interested in how people look on the outside, and then find out later that the same person is ugly on the inside. My advice to you, as hard it seems, is to read a book before you give your opinions on it. If you read half the book and tell someone about it, you're not giving them the full story. Just think about it.