So I'm at work and right now I keep getting so many mixed emotions that it's starting to drive me crazy. Like, one second I can feel very happy and the next I start thinking so negatively that you would think I have some kind of emotional disorder, but thankfully, I don't. I think my biggest problem is that I tend to over think a lot of stuff and that makes my mind analyze more than it's supposed to. I'm hot, I'm cold, I'm hungry, I'm thirsty. Can I never be fully satisfied? Is that what people always ask the world and I'm finally starting to figure out this out? I sure hope not, because I've always been an overall happy person and I would hate to see myself start falling back down the hill after how far I've gotten in my life. I really just think I'm emotionally depressed because of how I've been treated in the past and after awhile, it takes catches up with me. The only two girls I have ever been in love with both screwed me over and now it's just a mind game for me.
I just want to graduate college and find an awesome career job and start making lots of money so I can either get away from North Carolina and start a new life somewhere else, or start a life with someone. I know that probably sounds lame, but it's true.
So for now, I've got my eyes on two girls who I can see something taking off in the near future. If for some reason nothing is able to work with any of them, I'm going to move to a new place after college and try to start a new life
As much as I love North Carolina, I just want to experience more than what I can here. I'm tired of living a normal life - I want to actually have fun and be carefree and not have a care in the world. I feel like right now that I'm not fully able to do that because of so many constraints that are here.
Maybe after I move away, my mind will be more open and free and happiness will finally find me. Lets hope so.
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