Fixing What You Broke

There was a time in my life, during high school, where I honestly thought I found the girl of my dreams. Call me crazy since nearly everyone says they found "the one" during those times, but I really did. Words can not even begin to express the feeling of happiness and contentment I felt when I was around her. Whether it was sitting in my car listening to music, or lying on the couch watching a movie, every minute spent with her was breathtaking. Then, something happened. A girl from my past that never gave me a chance finally saw me happy and it made her jealous. For days and weeks, she tried to pull me away from being happy and I had to fight the temptation. For the record, I never cheated on my girlfriend at the time. Because the temptation got the best of me, I decided the break up with my girlfriend to be with the girl I always wanted to be with. Sadly, that was a poor decision. That girl, the one that pushed me with this temptation, just wanted to see if I would actually break up with my girlfriend, which left me alone and heart broke.
The worst part about the whole situation was that prior to me and my girlfriend dating, there was a stretch where she wouldn't give me a chance because she didn't trust me. She knew about my past with that girl and she knew the severity of emotional conflict I went through with her. Enough time passed, however, that I finally earned her trust.
So, when I broke up with her for the exact reason why she didn't want to trust me in the first place is detrimental. Since she was my first serious girlfriend, the first girl I really loved, and feeling so guilty over my mistake, I spent nearly 2 years trying to apologize and attempting to make things better in every way I could. It never worked.
I pushed, I crawled, and bent over backwards to go out of my way to prove my worth but yet the pain I caused her was so deep, that no progress ever got made. I honestly know that I have myself to blame for that. Every single bit of blame is on me, and no one else.
Since then, the girl that caused me the temptation is moved far across the state with a 2 year old baby and a fiance. My ex-girlfriend lives in a different state and we haven't talked in nearly a year. Also, if you believe in karma, my last girlfriend, Samantha, cheated on me. Since my first girlfriend, Sam was the last person I trusted my life and heart with. She did to me the same exact thing I did to my first girlfriend, minus the cheating. Now, I know the feeling. I know how it feels to have your heart ripped out of your chest. The pain and agony is so bad that it causes you to become emotionally unstable. I never meant for any of this happen and if only I was able to go back and time and make different decisions, I would. But, in reality, we can't. I can't. No one can fix anything in the past. The past is the past for a reason and all we can really do is move on and learn from our mistakes.
I will not lie, though. There are plenty of days that go by that I still think about her, my first girlfriend. I try to not think about the bad times, but the good times. The times we spent smiling together, singing our favorite songs, spending time at the beach, and more. Looking back now, I realize those were indeed the happiest times of my life. I have learned from my mistakes, greatly, and I hope to never make the same mistakes again. Cheers to 01.13.08

1 Hour

Samantha called me the other night, exactly at 10:00pm. When the phone rang, and I saw her name pop up on my phone screen, I felt my heart skip a beat, literally. I let it ring twice, maybe three times, before I answered it. It almost felt as if I was stuck in a moment between reality and a undiscovered dream that maybe I was intended on finding.